XMen Evolution: Season 5
by Hizzy
Summary: Season five of XMen Evolution holds some real surprises. Too bad it was never aired. I happen to know it would go down EXACTLY like this.


X-Men Evolution, Season 5, Episode 1 

XAVIER: I'm so glad that humans and mutants can finally get along in peace!  
JEAN: But, professor, the humans have started a war against us! They want us dead!  
XAVIER: Silly, Jean. Of COURSE they love us.  
JEAN: Professor...? Are you DRUNK?  
XAVIER: No, Jean. But I'm high on life. JEAN: **_rolls eyes_** Riiiight.  
KURT: _**runs in**_ Guys! You should see this news report!  
_**turns on TV  
**_NEWSPERSON: Recent scientific studies have shown that people can indeed get high on life. Wow. All this time I thought that was just some stupid expression. What do you think about this, Tom?  
NEWSPERSON2: I'm high on life right now, Diane.  
NEWSPERSON: _**laughs**_ Oh, Tom, you're a riot.  
NEWSPERSON2: No really-  
NEWSPERSON3: We interrupt this urgent news report with an even more urgent news report. The Brotherhood of Mutants attacks the X-Men in their living room.  
JEAN: Wait, that never-  
MAGNETO: _**jumps up from behind the couch**_ AHA! I've got you right where I want you, Charles!  
XAVIER: Wha?  
MAGNETO: Brotherhood of Mutants: ATTACK!  
_**thirty seconds pass**_  
MAGNETO: _**cough**_ They'll be here any minute.  
KURT: Can I make myself a sandwhich while we're waiting?  
MAGNETO: Go ahead.  
_**Kurt**__**exits  
thirty more seconds pass  
**_KURT: _**shouts from kitchen**_ You guys want anything while I'm up? Jean?  
JEAN: No thanks.  
KURT: Professor?  
XAVIER: That's okay, Kurt.  
KURT: Magneto?  
MAGNETO: Do you have any of that cheese in a can?  
KURT: No, sorry. We have some string cheese.  
MAGNETO: Well.  
/Lance, Pietro, Todd, Fred, and Wanda run through the door/  
BoM: SURRENDER, X-MEN!  
MAGNETO: _**looks at watch and glares at them**_  
LANCE: Sorry... we had to stop at Burger King because SOMEBODY needs to be eating 24/7!  
PIETRO: I do NOT!  
LANCE: I was talking about Freddy.  
PIETRO: Oh.... _**glares at Fred**_ Yeah, Freddy. Way to go.  
FRED: I need to keep eating. I'm a growing boy. And I lose all my powers if I don't eat something every fifteen minutes. TODD: Really?  
FRED: Yeah, you see, it all started when I was five and I-  
MAGNETO: Shut up, all of you! We're here to attack the X-Men. Brotherhood of Mutants: ATTACK!  
WANDA: But there's only two of them here.  
MAGNETO: You're right! _**to Xavier**_ Call all your X-Men down here.  
XAVIER: Why should I? You're just going to attack them.  
MAGNETO: No we're not! We just need to... ah... Have a meeting.  
XAVIER: Oh, okay. _**X-Men, I need you to report to the living room for an emergency meeting  
several minutes pass  
**_JEAN: Professor, are you sure you said that telepathically? Maybe you were just thinking it to yourself again.  
XAVIER: No, it was definitely telepathically. But I have a better idea. _**X-Men, I need you to report to the living room for an emergency pizza party**_  
_**everyone runs in**_  
EVAN: Oh boy! Pizza party!  
SCOTT: How come we never had a pizza party before?  
KITTY: Hey, where's all the pizza? ROGUE: What's the brotherhood doing here?  
XAVIER: Okay, Erik, go ahead and start the meeting.  
MAGNETO: On our first order of business- Brotherhood of Mutants: ATTACK!  
BoM: _**stares at X-Men**_  
X-MEN: _**stares at BoM**_  
MAGNETO: I said: ATTACK!  
PIETRO: _**kicks Evan in the shin**_ Take THAT!  
EVAN: Ow! That was my shin, you jerk! Professor! Pietro kicked me!  
XAVIER: That does it! X-men: ATTACK!  
ROGUE: _**slaps Jean**_ XAVIER: No, attack the Brotherhood! And don't use violence. Use your words. X-Men: ATTACK... with words.  
SCOTT: Lance, you're stupid.  
LANCE: Yeah, well, you're ugly.  
SCOTT: You smell funny.  
LANCE: Your eyes are broken.  
SCOTT: Gasp! _**to Xavier **_They're strong, professor!  
XAVIER: I know. Remember your training.  
KITTY: _**to Wanda**_ Those pants make your butt look big.  
WANDA: So?  
KITTY: _**retreats**_ I'm just not powerful enough, Professor!  
XAVIER: No, Kitty. You are quite powerful. But you need to direct all of your strength at the right opponent.  
KITTY: I'll try. _**to Pietro**_ Those pants make your butt look big.  
PIETRO: WHAT!? NO THEY DON'T! _**passes out  
**_KITTY: I did it! I did it!  
WANDA: Oh no! Pietro!!! **_to Kitty_** That ponytail is lame.  
KITTY: B-but.... It's cute!  
WANDA: No it isn't.  
KITTY: GAK! _**passes out**_  
KURT: _**watching from afar**_ Madness. Madness. Madness. To be continued.  
NARRATOR: On the next episode of X-Men Evolution.  
SCOTT: Jean. I'm pregnant.  
JEAN: GASP!  
MAGNETO: Pietro. I am your father.  
PIETRO: GASP!  
X-MEN: It's morphin' time! XAVIER: GASP!  
LANCE: We're out of cheetos.  
FRED: GASP!

X-Men Evolution, Season 5, Episode 2:  
_**scene opens in Magneto's secret underground lair, where the brotherhood is gathered in front of Magneto  
**_MAGNETO: You all make me sick! How could you lose to the X-Men AGAIN? I order you to hang your heads in shame.  
BROTHERHOOD: _**hang heads in shame  
**_MAGNETO: Knock that off! You're all fired.  
PIETRO: You can't do that! I'm your SON!  
MAGNETO: And a lousy one at that. You won't let me be your cub scout leader and you didn't go to the father-son picnic with me.  
PIETRO: That's because you took stupid Pyro to it.  
MAGNETO: Hey! My son is NOT stupid!  
PIETRO: He's not your son! I am!  
MAGNETO: Not anymore. Pyro is my new son.  
PIETRO: You can't just say I'm not your son anymore. It doesn't work like that.  
MAGNETO: _**coldly**_ I have no son.  
PIETRO: But you just said Pyro's your son.  
MAGNETO: Shut up! Get out of my site!  
PIETRO: _**sadly leaves**_  
LANCE: What about US?  
MAGNETO: You're all not my sons either! Not you, not Toad, not Fred, not Wanda, not anybody! .....Except Pyro.  
PYRO: Thanks, pop! _**skips away**_  
_**later  
**_MYSTIQUE: Well, you've fired the entire brotherhood of mutants. What do you expect to do now?  
MAGNETO: Not to worry, I have tons of other mutants wishing to apply for a position.  
RECEPTIONIST: _**over intercom**_ The first applicant is her to see you, sir.  
MAGNETO: Excellent. Send him in. /applicant enters/ Welcome. I'm just going to ask you a few simple questions. Please state your name.  
APPLICANT: I'm Batman.  
MAGNETO: Gender.  
APPLICANT: Man......bat... Batman!  
MAGNETO: Occupation.  
APPLICANT: Batman.  
MAGNETO: Age.  
APPLICANT: Is that bat years or human years?  
MAGNETO: Human years.  
APPLICANT: Oh... well I don't know how old I am in human years. I know how old I am in bat years.  
MAGNETO: _**exasperated**_ Okay, fine. How old are you in bat years?  
APPLICANT: 27.  
MAGNETO: _**flips through pages of application**_ Thanks, but I think we're done here. We'll call you.  
APPLICANT: I'm batman.  
MAGNETO: Yes I know. Please leave. _**into intercom**_ Becky, send in the next applicant.  
_**next applicant enters and takes a seat  
**_MAGNETO: Name.  
APLICANT2: Spiderman.  
MAGNETO: ....We'll call you.

_**The next day...**_

MYSTIQUE: You had fifty applicants yesterday and this is ALL you could manage to recruit?  
MAGNETO: Look, I need to recruit only the best into my team. And trust me, this is the best.  
MYSTIQUE: You only hired three mutants: Bob Bobson, Pierre Xamiffom, and .... Evan Daniels?  
EVAN: _**raises hand**_ Present!  
MYSTIQUE: I thought you were an X-Man.  
EVAN: I am. Is that bad?  
MYSTIQUE: Why would you join the Brotherhood of Mutants if you're an X-Man?  
EVAN: Brotherhood of Mutants!? I thought this was the youth basketball league! _**exits  
**_MYSTIQUE: Well, now you only have two recruits. _**looks at Bob**_ What exactly is your power?  
BOB: I control things that are yellow.  
MYSTIQUE: Interesting. Anything that's yellow, you say?  
BOB: Well, not anything. It has to be a certain shade of yellow.  
MYSTIQUE: _**holds up a banana**_ What about this?  
BOB: No, that's really more of a 'green-yellow' color.  
MYSTIQUE: _**holds up a yellow umbrella**_ Can you control this?  
BOB: I have no power over things that are 'lemon-yellow'  
MYSTIQUE: And what about this yellow crayon?  
BOB: It's a little too yellow for me to handle.  
MAGNETO: What an amazing ability. _**jealous**_ I wish I could control yellow.  
MYSTIQUE: _**to Pierre**_ What about you? What can you do?  
PIERRE: Superspeed.  
MAGNETO: Wow! Mystique, promote Pierre to the next rank.  
MYSTIQUE: We don't have ranks. And, also, I think that's just your son with a mustache glued to his face.  
MAGNETO: That's impossible... Pyro's at daycare. And we've **_always_** had ranks. I can't believe you're so stupid. Mystique, I order you to demote yourself to the rank of 'janitor.'  
MYSTIQUE: That's IT! I quite! _**storms out  
**_MAGNETO: Well, that was unexpected. I wonder what brought that on.  
PIERRE: She must have been having girl problems.  
MAGNETO: Wait... You mean Mystique's NOT a man? _**pulls out voice recorder**_ Note to self, stop referring to Mystique as, "Mr. Darkholme."  
BOB: Master, now that I'm in the Brotherhood can I have a mission?  
MAGNETO: First of all, don't call me 'master.' Second, no you may not.  
BOB: Why not, sir?  
MAGNETO: Because missions require training, and weeks of planning. Also, don't call me 'sir.'  
BOB: When do we get our training, Magneto?  
MAGNETO: After you stop calling me Magneto.  
BOB: What should I call you, than?  
MAGNETO: I don't know. Think of something.  
BOB: How about Nancy?  
MAGNETO: Why would you call me Nancy?  
BOB: It was my mother's name. It would make me more at home if I could call you Nancy.  
MAGNETO: Fine. But only because I respect your mutant abilities. And now, for your first mission.  
BOB: I thought we couldn't have missions until we've had training.  
MAGNETO: Training's for wussies like the X-Men. You're not a wussy, are you?  
BOB: No, of course not, Nancy!  
MAGNETO: Good. For your first mission I'd like you to kill all the ex-brotherhood members.  
PIERRE: WHAT?  
MAGNETO: I've decided that you will kill them all in the most ironic way possible. For Toad I'd like you to have a giant Toad eat him. For Lance, have him burried in an avalanche. For Fred I'd like you to have him crushed by a giant donut-  
BOB: Ah, I don't think that's possible.  
MAGNETO: Anything's possible if you believe it is. And for that stupid kid who keeps trying to be my son, I want you to throw him in a giant snake pit.  
PIERRE: How is that ironic?  
MAGNETO: Snakes are ALWAYS ironic.  
PIERRE: That's stupid.  
MAGNETO: By stupid do you mean... brilliant?  
PIERRE: No, I mean it's stupid.  
BOB: I think it's brilliant  
MAGNETO: Thanks! Mystique, promote this man again!  
BOB: Um... I think she quite.  
MAGNETO: Oh yeah, that's right. Well, than.... Pierre, promote this man.  
PIERRE: Bite me.  
MAGNETO: I don't like your attitude... but that mustache is both stylish and snappy. Bob, promote this man!  
BOB: I'm sorry, I don't have the authority.  
MAGNETO: You do now that your... vice president!  
BOB: Really!? Squee!  
PIERRE: rolls eyes Forget this! _**leaves  
**_MAGNETO: What was HIS problem?  
BOB: Is it possible he's annoyed because his fake mustache was itchy?  
MAGNETO: Fake mustache... hm... _**realization**_ Waitaminute! That was Pietro in disguise! First he poses as my son.... then he has the audacity to pretend he's dear, kind Pierre Xamiffom! That DOES it! NOW I'm angry!  
BOB: Would you like me to fetch your stress ball?  
MAGNETO: Yes, please.

To be continued...

NARRATOR: On the next episode of X-Men Evolution...

JEAN: Oh no! Xavier is dead!  
XAVIER: Or am I...?


End file.
